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Top 100 Sentences
- 1I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect.
- 2I'll buy you 11 Roses; 10 real and 1 fake. And I'll love you until the last rose dies.
- 3I stepped on a Cornflake, and now I am a cereal killer.
- 4Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
- 5What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
- 6Nobody dies a virgin, because life fucks us all.
- 7Future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep.
- 8The more you learn, the more you know, the more you know, and the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn.
- 9You all laugh because I'm different - I laugh because you're all the same.
- 10You are the light of my life. Before I met you, I walked in the dark.
- 11Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- 12There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
- 13Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- 14Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.
- 15Why do psychics ask your name?
- 16If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween?
- 17I heard you were dating my ex -- how do I taste?
- 18Practice makes perfect.. But nobody's perfect.. so why practice?
- 19I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting to get into the bathroom.
- 20I don't get older. I level up.
- 21Life is just a game, but atleast the graphics are awesome!
- 22When I was born I was so surprised, I couldn't talk for a year and a half.
- 23Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
- 24I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
- 25If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
- 26People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
- 27There are two rules to success in life: 1) Dont tell everything that you know.
- 28Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there's an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH".
- 29SL_T. All I need is U.
- 30Call me cursed or call me blessed. If you can't handle my worst, you ain't getting my best.
- 31I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.
- 32Anyone who says "nothing is impossible" has obviously never tried to staple jello to a tree.
- 33You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
- 34Would you like to hear the pencil joke? Well, it's pointless.
- 35Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.
- 36I was born intelligent - education ruined me.
- 37A foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
- 38Opinions are like assholes; everybody's got one, and they're often full of shit.
- 39Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
- 40I am in shape. Round is a shape.
- 41How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
- 42Money is not everything. There's MasterCard and Visa.
- 43A balanced diet is a chocolate chip cookie in each hand.
- 44Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?
- 45Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
- 46If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?
- 47I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget what it is, the computer will say "your password is incorrect."
- 48If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?
- 49Men are the best cooks, because with two eggs, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, he can fill a girl's tummy for nine months.
- 50Do the English people eat English muffins, or are they just called muffins?
- 51How come you never see a billboard being put up by the highway?
- 52Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
- 53Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
- 54I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
- 55An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
- 56On the side of a milk carton: Allergy advice - May Contain Traces of Milk
- 57Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
- 58Why are iPhone chargers not called apple juice?
- 59Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
- 60A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
- 61Broken pencils are pointless.
- 62Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
- 63In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
- 64My wife says picking my nose is disgusting, so now I have to do it myself.
- 65If you are born ugly blame your parents, if you died ugly blame your doctor.
- 66I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
- 67Only drug dealers and software companies call their customers 'users'.
- 68Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two or more.
- 69Let's eat grandpa. Let's eat, grandpa. Correct punctuation can save a person's life.
- 70How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
- 71On the other hand... you have different fingers.
- 72I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
- 73You're never too old to learn something stupid.
- 74If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
- 75If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?
- 76I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- 77Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
- 78The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- 79If you get this message, call me, and if you don't get it, don't call.
- 80What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
- 81At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
- 82There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.
- 83If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
- 84My parents made me what I am today. I'm thinking of suing.
- 85At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
- 86"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." - Terry Pratchett
- 87In a cementery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
- 88If practice makes perfect, and I am doing it wrong, then I am doing it perfectly wrong.
- 89On an Athi River Highway: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
- 90When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?
- 91Where ever you go, there you are.
- 92I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
- 93I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
- 94Do you wake up or open your eyes first?
- 95Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
- 96Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
- 97"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife." - Groucho Marx.
- 98Why put a towel in the dirty clothes basket if when you get out of the shower you are clean?
- 99Notice at a Public Bar: OUR PUBLIC BAR IS PRESENTLY NOT OPEN BECAUSE IT'S CLOSED - Manager
- 100I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.