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Funny Sentences

  • 1
    I stepped on a Cornflake, and now I am a cereal killer.
    1610
    9 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 2
    Nobody dies a virgin, because life fucks us all.
    522
    9 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 3
    Future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep.
    454
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 4
    You all laugh because I'm different - I laugh because you're all the same.
    440
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 5
    Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.
    217
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 6
    I don't get older. I level up.
    180
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 7
    Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
    170
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 8
    I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
    155
    5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 9
    Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there's an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH".
    130
    7 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 10
    People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
    125
    5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 11
    Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.
    121
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 12
    You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
    120
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 13
    Opinions are like assholes; everybody's got one, and they're often full of shit.
    120
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 14
    I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.
    117
    5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 15
    Men are the best cooks, because with two eggs, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, he can fill a girl's tummy for nine months.
    95
    5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 16
    Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
    83
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 17
    Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
    80
    7 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 18
    A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
    78
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 19
    Broken pencils are pointless.
    78
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 20
    Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
    77
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 21
    If you are born ugly blame your parents, if you died ugly blame your doctor.
    77
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 22
    My wife says picking my nose is disgusting, so now I have to do it myself.
    76
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 23
    Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two or more.
    76
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 24
    Let's eat grandpa. Let's eat, grandpa. Correct punctuation can save a person's life.
    73
    5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 25
    I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
    70
    6 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 26
    I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
    63
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 27
    I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
    62
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 28
    I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
    59
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 29
    When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
    56
    5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 30
    I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget what it is, the computer will say "your password is incorrect."
    53
    3 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 31
    Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
    51
    6 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 32
    I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
    50
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 33
    Velcro - what a rip off!
    48
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 34
    Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
    46
    5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 35
    Money is not the only thing, it's everything.
    46
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 36
    When I think of books, I touch my shelf.
    44
    5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 37
    I know the voices in my head aren't real, but sometimes their ideas just absolutely awesome!
    43
    5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 38
    All the toilets in New York‘s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
    43
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 39
    Cat puns freak meowt. Seriously, I'm not kitten!
    39
    6 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 40
    Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
    39
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 41
    We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.
    35
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 42
    England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
    32
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 43
    I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
    27
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 44
    The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
    27
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 45
    I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.
    21
    7 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 46
    I am having an out of money experience.
    21
    9 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 47
    Love the neighbor. But don't get caught.
    21
    2020 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 48
    He was as confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.
    20
    7 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 49
    Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
    19
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 50
    I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down
    18
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 51
    A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view.
    18
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 52
    This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
    17
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 53
    If your father is a poor man, it is your fate, but if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.
    17
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 54
    Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of refund checks.
    17
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 55
    A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
    16
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 56
    When two's company, three's the result!
    16
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 57
    When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.
    15
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 58
    Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
    15
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 59
    How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
    15
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 60
    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
    14
    6 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 61
    I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
    14
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 62
    What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
    13
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 63
    They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
    10
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 64
    I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
    10
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 65
    Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
    8
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 66
    Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.
    7
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 67
    PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.
    4
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 68
    I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He can stop anytime.
    4
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 69
    Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
    3
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 70
    The wise never marry and when they marry they become otherwise.
    2
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 71
    Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
    0
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 72
    The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
    -2
    7 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 73
    God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
    -2
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 74
    Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
    -3
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 75
    Why is Saudi Arabia free of mental illness? There are nomad people there.
    -5
    7 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 76
    I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
    -7
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 77
    Bush Win Election, But More Lies Ahead
    -17
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 78
    Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
    -18
    10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 79
    The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.
    -19
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
  • 80
    I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
    -29
    8 years ago - Show Facebook Like