Funny Sentences

1

I stepped on a Cornflake, and now I am a cereal killer.

1559

7 years ago - Show Facebook Like
2

Nobody dies a virgin, because life fucks us all.

509

6 years ago - Show Facebook Like
3

Future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep.

441

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
4

You all laugh because I'm different - I laugh because you're all the same.

422

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
5

Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.

206

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
6

I don't get older. I level up.

170

6 years ago - Show Facebook Like
7

Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

162

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
8

I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

129

3 years ago - Show Facebook Like
9

Opinions are like assholes; everybody's got one, and they're often full of shit.

120

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
10

Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there's an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH".

119

4 years ago - Show Facebook Like

11

Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.

117

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
12

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

114

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
13

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

107

3 years ago - Show Facebook Like
14

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

98

3 years ago - Show Facebook Like
15

Men are the best cooks, because with two eggs, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, he can fill a girl's tummy for nine months.

94

3 years ago - Show Facebook Like
16

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

77

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
17

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two or more.

76

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
18

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.

75

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
19

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

75

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
20

If you are born ugly blame your parents, if you died ugly blame your doctor.

75

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
21

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

74

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
22

Broken pencils are pointless.

74

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
23

My wife says picking my nose is disgusting, so now I have to do it myself.

74

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
24

Let's eat grandpa. Let's eat, grandpa. Correct punctuation can save a person's life.

67

3 years ago - Show Facebook Like
25

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

65

4 years ago - Show Facebook Like
26

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

60

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
27

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

60

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
28

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

58

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
29

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

56

3 years ago - Show Facebook Like
30

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

49

4 years ago - Show Facebook Like
31

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

48

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
32

Velcro - what a rip off!

46

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
33

When I think of books, I touch my shelf.

45

3 years ago - Show Facebook Like
34

Money is not the only thing, it's everything.

45

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
35

I know the voices in my head aren't real, but sometimes their ideas just absolutely awesome!

44

3 years ago - Show Facebook Like
36

Never trust an atom. They make up everything.

44

3 years ago - Show Facebook Like
37

All the toilets in New York‘s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

42

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
38

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

39

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
39

Cat puns freak meowt. Seriously, I'm not kitten!

38

4 years ago - Show Facebook Like
40

We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.

34

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
41

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

32

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
42

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

26

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
43

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

24

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
44

I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.

21

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
45

I am having an out of money experience.

21

7 years ago - Show Facebook Like
46

Love the neighbor. But don't get caught.

21

2018 years ago - Show Facebook Like
47

He was as confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.

20

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
48

I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget what it is, the computer will say "your password is incorrect."

19

8 months ago - Show Facebook Like
49

Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

19

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
50

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down

17

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
51

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate, but if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.

17

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
52

A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view.

17

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
53

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of refund checks.

16

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
54

When two's company, three's the result!

16

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
55

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

15

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
56

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

15

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
57

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

15

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
58

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

15

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
59

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

15

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
60

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

14

4 years ago - Show Facebook Like
61

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

13

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
62

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

13

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
63

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

10

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
64

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

9

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
65

Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.

9

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
66

Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.

8

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
67

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

3

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
68

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He can stop anytime.

3

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
69

The wise never marry and when they marry they become otherwise.

3

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
70

PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.

1

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
71

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

0

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
72

God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?

0

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
73

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

-3

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
74

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

-3

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
75

Why is Saudi Arabia free of mental illness? There are nomad people there.

-6

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
76

I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.

-6

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
77

Bush Win Election, But More Lies Ahead

-17

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
78

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

-17

8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
79

The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.

-18

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like
80

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

-29

5 years ago - Show Facebook Like