You are here: Funny Sentences » Funny Sentences
Funny Sentences
- 1I stepped on a Cornflake, and now I am a cereal killer.9 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 2Nobody dies a virgin, because life fucks us all.9 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 3Future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 4You all laugh because I'm different - I laugh because you're all the same.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 5Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 6I don't get older. I level up.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 7Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 8I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.6 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 9Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there's an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH".7 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 10People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.6 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 11You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 12Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 13Opinions are like assholes; everybody's got one, and they're often full of shit.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 14I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.6 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 15Men are the best cooks, because with two eggs, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, he can fill a girl's tummy for nine months.6 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 16Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 17Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.7 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 18A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 19Broken pencils are pointless.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 20If you are born ugly blame your parents, if you died ugly blame your doctor.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 21Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 22My wife says picking my nose is disgusting, so now I have to do it myself.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 23Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two or more.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 24Let's eat grandpa. Let's eat, grandpa. Correct punctuation can save a person's life.6 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 25I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.7 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 26I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 27I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 28I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget what it is, the computer will say "your password is incorrect."3 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 29I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 30When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.6 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 31Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.7 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 32I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 33Velcro - what a rip off!8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 34Never trust an atom. They make up everything.6 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 35Money is not the only thing, it's everything.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 36When I think of books, I touch my shelf.6 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 37All the toilets in New York‘s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 38I know the voices in my head aren't real, but sometimes their ideas just absolutely awesome!6 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 39Cat puns freak meowt. Seriously, I'm not kitten!7 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 40Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 41We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 42England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 43I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 44The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 45I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.7 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 46I am having an out of money experience.10 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 47Love the neighbor. But don't get caught.2021 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 48He was as confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.7 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 49Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 50I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 51A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 52This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 53If your father is a poor man, it is your fate, but if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 54Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of refund checks.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 55A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 56When two's company, three's the result!11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 57When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 58Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 59How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 60Atheism is a non-prophet organization.7 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 61I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 62What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 63They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 64I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 65Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 66Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 67PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 68I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He can stop anytime.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 69Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 70The wise never marry and when they marry they become otherwise.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 71Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 72The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.7 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 73God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 74Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 75Why is Saudi Arabia free of mental illness? There are nomad people there.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 76I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 77Bush Win Election, But More Lies Ahead11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 78Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.11 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 79The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like
- 80I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.8 years ago - Show Facebook Like